Summer 2026 Book Club: Mattering, The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose
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Book Review by Rachel Herlein, Ed.D., Associate Head of School, Laurel School
At a recent leadership retreat, our team spent time discussing Jennifer Wallace's latest book, Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose. Perhaps the most important insight in Mattering is Wallace's argument that belonging and mattering, while closely related, are not the same thing. In schools, we have become increasingly sophisticated in our efforts to foster belonging, and that is important work. We talk about engagement, culture, and wellness. We administer surveys. We launch initiatives. This stems from our sincere desire to ensure students and adults alike feel accepted and connected. But belonging alone is not enough. Wallace challenges us to think beyond creating communities where people feel comfortable and toward creating communities where people feel consequential.
A person can belong to an organization and still feel interchangeable. They can be included in meetings and events, and surrounded by colleagues, yet quietly wonder whether their presence makes any real difference. Mattering asks different questions. It is not simply, "Am I part of this community?" but rather, "Would my absence be felt? Do I contribute something of value here? Does who I am and what I do have significance to others?"
As our leadership team talked about the five pillars of mattering: Recognition, Importance, Reliance, Ego Extension, and Attunement, something interesting happened. I expected the conversation to focus on our leadership choices and school culture. Instead, many of the leaders around the table spoke about themselves. They reflected on how easy it is to spend years pouring energy into work, family obligations, and the care of others while neglecting the relationships that sustain us. Several described the book as a wake-up call, a reminder that mattering is not something we create only for others. It is something we need to cultivate in our own lives through deep attunement, mutual reliance, and a commitment to nurturing relationships that extend beyond productivity and performance.
Inspired by our retreat discussions, faculty and staff participated in creating what we called a “Mattering Museum.” Teams reflected on the five pillars and shared stories of moments when they experienced mattering themselves or helped create it for others. They then transformed those experiences into museum exhibits. The assignment was intentionally creative. The outcome was unexpectedly moving. What struck me most was the enthusiasm with which the faculty embraced the experience. They set aside their ever-present to-do lists and immersed themselves in sharing stories, celebrating one another, and reflecting on the relationships that give our work meaning. The resulting colorful exhibits reminded me that culture is rarely created through the big moments that schools spend so much time planning. Rather, it is created through the accumulation of small moments centered on relationships: A leader who noticed potential before it was visible to others (Recognition). A colleague who reached out during a difficult time (Ego Extension). A mentor who entrusted someone with meaningful responsibility (Reliance). A simple conversation that made a person feel understood rather than evaluated (Attunement).
Wallace reminds us that, at its core, mattering is both relational and contributory. We need to know that we are cared about, but we also need to know that our presence, ideas, and efforts make a meaningful difference.
